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2008--Las Vegas

Day One-Wednesday, April 16, 2008

​The day has finally arrived. I have been looking forward to this trip ever since Margo surprised me with in for Christmas. I was up at about 5:40 AM. We planned to be on our way to the airport at 6:15 AM. 35 minutes is enough time for me to get up and ready. Margo has the harder job of finishing the packing, so she was up before 5 AM.
 
On our trips we have fallen into certain routines and responsibilities. I almost always take care of the planning and arrangements. Margo is in charge of packing, and does a great job. We have forgotten things through out the years, but never the same things twice. On the other end, we have never had anything arrive broken and she plans for contingencies. We have the right stuff in the airplane with us, and the rest in the luggage compartment.
 
This trip differed in that Margo took care of most everything. It was my Christmas present, so I tried not to feel too guilty. We were about 5 minutes late leaving and then had to turn around to retrieve my camera. So we were about 15 minutes behind schedule. Unless security was a bear, this would not be a problem. My daughter Jessi, and her boyfriend, Pete, took us to the airport. Neither are morning people so this was quite the sacrifice. Jessi was still in her pajamas, with slippers, and she brought along her new puppy, Enzo.
 
They dropped us off and away we went. I had checked us in on line, so all we had to do was get a luggage tag. That went smoothly, and soon we were on are way to security. We had a blip here. Margo sailed right through. She was wearing enough jewelry to embarrass Sammy Davis Jr., but neither this time nor any time in the past has she set off the metal detector. I am usually afforded the same accord, but not today. BLEEEEEEEP! I patted my self down real quick, feeling I must have missed something. I had already taken off my belt, shoes, watch, and stuffed my wallet and inhaler into a shoe. I had even toss my half roll of Tums, even though I was pretty sure calcium was not supposed to register. But, either the zipper to my shorts or my artificial hip set it off. I had my hip replaced, at age 35, in 1998. It never sets off the airport’s security devices. Only the metal detector at the Gateway Arch in St. Louis flagged me before. The lady asks me "Doyouhaveanychangebeltcellphonekeyscoinsonyou? Huh? Translation please. I had barely shaken my head “No”, when she asked about medical implants. I was about to clue her in before she asked. But as we had arrived at this point together now, I said “Yes, I have an artificial hip” She brightly tells me “That qualifies as a medical implant. Step though here.” I was in a pretty good mood, and it was holding. I went through the manual screening process, which in this case meant I got to be a training dummy. They had someone brand new, and he was being shown the ropes by his training officer. So I sat, and stood, and arms out-palms up, and got patted down. First the wrong way and then the right way. My zipper and hip were setting off his hand held device, so I got more attention to my groin than I am accustomed to by a male without a medical degree. But, they soon agreed that I was no danger to anyone except my wife and let me get redressed.
 
I spared Margo the details, but she did point out all of jewelry and reaffirmed that she never sets off the detectors. Oh, well. At least we had time to get something to eat. We picked up something at a sandwich shop and headed over to our gate to sit down and eat. But, when we got there we immediately noticed that something was wrong. The gate should have had our flight number and destination. Instead the plane next departing was heading east. Not a biggie. We just checked the Departure board and found the right gate. It was far enough away, where now we would be eating on the plane. At least that would shorten the flight a bit.
 
As we sat down, Margo cell phone rang. Almost never a good thing, on your first hours of vacation. It wasn’t. Jessi and Pete had stopped at a grocery store on the way home, and had just managed to lock the keys in the car. Jessi wanted to know where Margo’s spare set was. They were in her purse. Luckily, I leave my keys at home when I travel, because I don’t need them. Unfortunately they had about a mile to walk to get home. But, about twenty minutes or so later we heard that all had worked out, in pajamas and with the puppy. I really hoped this would be the last blip of the day.
 
It was. We boarded without incident and a bit less than two hours later we touched down at McCarran International Airport. We retrieved our sole piece of luggage, grabbed the shuttle to get our car, and were soon at the rental car lot. As it was only about 9:45 AM, and our room would likely not be ready until 3 PM, we decided that rather than deal with the Luxor early, we would deal with them later. Back home, a couple of Margo’s co-workers had told her about Laughlin and how much fun they had had. She wanted to drive down. I was less thrilled about spending 3 hours of our vacation driving, but why not. I had never been there either, so we headed south. Laughlin here we come. 
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Rental car (2008 Chevy Cobalt w/sunroof) procured, we found our way to US 95/93, and headed south. The hour and a half drive consists of the same scenery repeated many times over. I swear I saw the same stand of Joshua Trees about a dozen times. It was like Ground Hog Day. But, as I had not seen desertscape in quite awhile, I was able to pick out features to day dream about. The dirt roads that only God and locals would take. The power lines that would all lead back to the Hoover Dam if you tracked them. There was the occasional bird and the street signs. I kept wondering how big the town of Searchlight would be when we finally got there. (Not very. A couple of small casinos/bars, and a couple of dozen mobile homes.)
 
The only other town was the originally, but unimaginatively named, CalNevAri. I wonder if it is pronounced phonetically, or if something like Kaleneeveri. It wasn’t big enough to stop and ask. Then there was Christmas Tree Pass. I looked in vain to see a Christmas Tree to show me the origin of its name. But, it was just a dirt road leading off into the desert. My immediate thought was to the old Jeep  commercial where a guy, who had just left their NFL Playoff tickets sitting at home on the table, asks his buddy where they are going, as they venture onto a like road. The answer was “Somewhere where they won’t find the body”. We stuck to the paved highway. We turned off onto SH 163, and shortly before Laughlin we found the other end of Christmas Tree Pass. It looked as foreboding coming out of the mountains as it did going in. I’m sure with proper planning and equipment it would safe to venture on, but I’ll leave that to the geologists, anthropologists, and other ologists who like to end up in the middle of nowhere.
 
I was here to see glitz and glamour. I would be disappointed. We decided to pull into the Aquarius Casino Resort Hotel, as Margo’s co-workers had stayed there and gave it the big thumbs up. As we were parking we saw a group of elderly people heading towards the elevator. I though little of it, as back home in Colorado, our tiny casinos are filled with the elderly happily smoking and gambling away their children’s inheritance. But, it should have been a clue. After parking, we decided that the first thing we needed to do was to eat. It was about noon PDT, but our stomachs were still on Mountain Daylight Time, so we were hungry. We settled on the first place we came to, having no culinary recommendation from the folks back home. As we walked towards and then in, we noticed a pattern.
 
Margo and I appeared to be the youngest in the area. We’re both 44, so this is an odd occurrence. Not for Laughlin. This town is definitely geared much slower than Las Vegas. Good bye, Glitz and Glamour. Hello, Blue Hair and Geritol. I really have nothing against the elderly. I hope to be one someday. But, I was geared up for high octane excitement. Laughlin looked like it needed a nudge to wake it up.
 
But, we were here because we had never been here before. So we ate. The food was so-so and the service was below average. I imagine when your pool of employees comes from a town as small as Bullhead City, AZ (across the river); you don’t have much to choose from. From there we decided to wander the shops along the river walk.  It was a sunny, but very windy day.
 
Wind makes the best days tough. But we wandered up and down. We stopped in all the shops and kept looking for someone selling passage on a boat so we could get on the river. The only one we found left about the time we got there. I would imagine they are busier when the weather warms up a bit. 
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The Colorado River itself was nice. It seemed low to me, based on the visible rocks. But it was crystal clear. One area had some monster carp swimming, doubtlessly looking for a potato chip hand out. They were between two and three feet long, so previous tourists were likely very accommodating.
 
So after a few pictures we had decided we had seen all that we needed to see. This was just a look and see quickie trip, so the expectation were low. We had killed about 2 ½ hours in Laughlin. The drive back would take an hour and a half. That would put us back in Vegas around 4 PM. Check in at the Luxor was for 3 PM, so we got in our car and headed upstate
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An hour and a half later we were finally pulling into the Luxor. The Luxor is almost the southern most casinos on the strip. Only Mandalay Bay is farther. As such we did not have to fight much traffic to get there. I more than half expected check in to be a nightmare, but no problem at all. There were three people in line ahead of us, and they had about six people working the counter.
 
We were on our way through the casino to the inclinator in mere moments. What’s an inclinator, you ask? Well, the Luxor is a pyramid shaped building. The architects decided that rather than square up the inside to put in standard elevators, they would just use special elevators to ride up the diagonal. So when you go up, you also move sideways. You felt the sideways as much or more than the up. I imagine it is hell when you have over enjoyed the favors this town offers.
 
But first we had to get there. We got about half way inside the casino, carrying luggage, and looking up for signs. These are tell tale signs for the ticket hucksters that all of the Hotel/Casinos seem to employ. They were not strangers to me, but this first one caught me off guard. He asked if I was looking for Inclinator #2. I was, and assumed that this nice gentleman was just going to point me in the right direction. BUZZZZ. I now had to tell the world I was not smarter than a 5th grader. He gestured in the direction we were heading, said it’s over there, and then launched into his sales pitch. I came to my senses about the time he said something about what “a good deal he could make me”. Those words are like cold water. Being more than a touch cynical when I hear those magic words, I automatically figure someone is trying to part me from my money. So I told him, I wanted to get to my room first and I would see him later. He lies. I lie.
 
Our room was beautiful. It had a comfortable king bed, a large sitting area by the window, and a good sized bathroom The wall that had the window took a bit of getting used to, as it slanted. It made up part of the pyramid wall. Our view was of Mandalay Bay. It was very pretty at night, but I’ll bet the south facing side was even better.
 
As this was my present and Margo had suggested Laughlin, she asked me what I wanted to do first. I had a small surprise for her. The prior month she had wanted to see a roving exhibit of HMS Titanic artifacts that was being displayed in Denver. She is very interested in that. It ended up closing the day before we worked it into our schedule. The Tropicana has a similar exhibit, and as it was basically across the street, I told her I wanted to walk the strip.
 
When we got there and told her that the Tropicana had an exhibit that she wanted to see, that we had missed in Denver. She had a little surprise for me. She said “The one with dead bodies?” I knew she was referring to Bodies: The Exhibition, which was being exhibited right beside the Titanic one. For those who don’t know, through some sort of voodoo alchemy this exhibit has actual dead people, sans skin, posed to accentuate their muscles and such. I’m not generally squeamish, but Halloween was months away, so this did not appeal to me much.
 
Well, you don’t get to stayed married for 21 years and get your way every time, so we ended up buying tickets to seem both exhibits.  We started with the Titanic. We were given a card upon entry.
​The card contained the name of an actual person who sailed on the Titanic and a few biographical details. The premise was that you would be that person for the duration of the tour. We were not told the fate of our person, but were promised that would be revealed at the end of the tour.  Margo was a first class woman with 5 (?) children. Her name escapes me, but I knew from survivor statistics she had a really good chance of making. Women and Children first, and 1st class women even more first. I on the other hand was Thomas Andrews, the chief architect of the Titanic. I saw the movie and knew that even though I built Rose a good ship, when it sank I went down with it. It was still cool to be a famous dead person.
 
The actual exhibit took you through the construction of the ship, and boarding. Then a bit about life on the ship, and then the day the iceberg jumped out in front of the ship. They had an actual hunk of ice, about eight feet long, five feet high, and about three feet deep. You could touch it and get a feel for how sturdy the real thing must have been.
 
I was actually quite impressive. The artifacts themselves were interesting. I was much more impressed by the fact that they had been recovered. The Titanic is resting at 15,000 feet below sea level. That's a touch below normal scuba depth. Plus the water is deadly cold. You saw the movie, too. I think we spent about an hour walking from display to display. One of the final rooms had a large wall display. It contained those who lived and died that dark night in 1912. As expected I didn’t make. Surprisingly, neither did Margo, and only one of the kids, the baby survived.
 
Our last stop was the gift shop where I bought Margo a necklace that contains a piece of coal from the Titanic. Cool, but I’m not so certain we should consider it a Good Luck charm, and she is leaving it at home when we take our next cruise. 
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​Oh, Joy! Now it was time for the dead bodies. Neither this exhibit nor the Titanic one allows you to take pictures. So I have only the sign to show you. I borrowed that pic from their website. But, you get an idea of how graphic these things are. The process was turning dead people into a display was explained in one of the first few rooms. First the Dead Guy is dissected in such a manner as to display the anatomical feature they wanted to highlight. This might include cutting out front muscles to show back muscles. Or cutting away most of the muscles to show nerves or veins. Whatever. Then Cut Up Dead Guy is placed in a bath of acetone. The acetone drives out all of the water in the body. Next Dehydrated Dead Guy is placed in a bath of a polymer compound, while in a vacuum environment. As the vacuum takes care of evacuating the acetone, the polymer leaches into the space that first had water, and then acetone. So now Plastic Dead Guy is preserved forever. Who thinks this stuff up?
 
We saw all of the major systems in the body. Most were male by the way. Plastic Dead Guy is anatomically correct. Freaky. All of the Plastic Dead Guys had the skin removed, which was the really freaky part. One of the final displays had just skin and no body. Equally as freaky. It was like something from Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There was display with a cancerous lung, and a large bin to throw out your cigarettes. It was half full. They had Plastic Female Dead Guys in one of the last rooms. Boobs just don’t look good without skin. Nope, not at all.
 
The most disturbing part was the last room. It contained fetuses. They warned you before you entered what you would see, and offered you a door that would lead you around this part. But, not wanting to miss any part of this car accident, we continued on. There were a set of conjoined (Siamese) twins, and another near full term baby who had died when its organs developed outside the body. But the worst for me was the display with the fetuses in various stages of gestation. I’ll try not to get too political, but I’m pro-choice concerning abortion, up to the end of the first trimester. Then I figure, it’s a baby and it’s murder. I think I am still pro-choice, but that 12 week old baby, all though small, looked completely formed. Maybe Mom needs to make her choice a little sooner. 
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​The gift shop was not an option. I had seen all I wanted to, and my feet hurt. I had gotten brand new shoes. I usually have sense enough not to break in new shoes on vacation, but these were Dr. Scholl’s brand, and in the past those have been comfortable right out of the box. These weren’t. Feet aside, by now even with dead bodies fresh in my mind, I was getting hungry. It was about 7 PM. Margo asked where I wanted to eat. I suggested Hooters, as it was pretty close and visiting this chain has become a vacation tradition.
 
The Hooters Hotel and Casino was close by so we walked there in about five minutes. We have been making a point of visiting a Hooters Restaurant for the last six years or so. My youngest daughter started collecting the clothing. It’s like the people who have a Hard Rock Café: Moscow T-shirt. She has a Hooters Honolulu T-shirt, and many others, as that is great excuse to drop by while I’m traveling on business.
 
I just love Hooters Hot Wings. (I said that with a straight face. I want credit). Margo doesn’t mind. She thinks it amusing and she really does like the food. Jessi gets a T-shirt and I usually get a picture with the girls. They make for an interesting screen saver. Margo likes to make fun of the look on my face.
 
We had a short wait so I got my picture taken right away. Margo took it, and commented, “At least you smiled in this one” On the ones I didn’t smile one, I can assure I was happy on the inside. We had a nice, far from quiet, meal. But, we had had all the quiet we could stand until our eventual collapse later this evening. When we were done, we picked up our drinks (I love Vegas) and walked out with them. 
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​We had a lot of people on our shopping list, so we decided to head over to the Showcase Mall by the MGM Grand.
 
If you have ever walked the Strip in Vegas, you know how deceptive the distances can be. The MGM is relatively close, but it still took a while. When we got to the corner of Las Vegas Blvd (The Strip) and Tropicana Ave, we did pause long enough to snap a picture or two of New York New York. Then it was off to the Mall.
 
The Showcase Mall has two main businesses M&M World and World of Coca Cola. For reasons we did not even discuss, we skipped World of Coca Cola all together. But, I decided I needed a chocolate fix, so we went inside M& M World to both shop and take care of my fix. There are four levels to this store. It’s like Macy’s.  I think we skipped the top floor, as we had taken care of everyone we could shop for here, and decided there was more to see.
 
As we left the building there was a giant blue M&M out front. So we got our picture taken. From here we continued north on the Strip. We stopped to check out t-shirt vendors and other such kiosks set up. And of course there were the ever present “canvassers”. Canvassers are hired help of the various escort services around town. There job is to pass out playing card size flyers to advertise their services. I recall them vividly from my first trip in 2003. The cards featured a naked woman on the front. I’m not against pictures of naked women, but it just seems wrong to have they thrust upon you. And that is exactly their job. They pop and snap the cards then hold them right out in front of you. It is very rude> I’ve been told the courts have ruled they are within their rights to do this, but it’s a real pain in the ass. I did joke with Margo that maybe I should collect 52 of them, and make my own Vegas deck of cards, but I never took any. 
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​The night had been a touch chilly and windy, so we were getting cold. We had worn shorts and had not changed. We had wandered down the strip as far as Paris, so we went in. Paris’s signature feature is its replica of the Eiffel Tower. The one in Vegas is 540 tall. The real one is about double that at 986 feet. On none of our prior trips to Vegas, either together or separate had either of gone up. So what the hell. We paid our ten dollars each, and up we went. The view was spectacular. You could see all the way downtown to the north, and the big beam of the Luxor was easily seen to the south. But, it was cooollld. The wind up top was much worse than below. So we shivered. We would have gone right back down, except the Bellagio and their famous fountains were about to go off at 11 PM. They weren’t late. We had seen them before, but not from this perspective. Very cool. We enjoyed it despite freezing off parts of our anatomy that I was sure were going to be on display back at Bodies.
 
When the show was done, so were we. It was 11:15, we were beat. It was 12:15 back home, so I had been going for 18 ½ hours, and Margo closer to 20. And we still had a hike back to the Luxor. It took us about half an hour to finally make it the hotel. By the time we got some water, figured out that our TVC remote didn’t work, and got undressed it was well past Midnight. We went to bed and had no illusions of being up for breakfast.
 

Day Two--​Thursday, April 17, 2008

Today was our 21st wedding anniversary and I had planned for us to see two shows today. We would be touring the strip, and I wanted to find Luv-It Frozen Yogurt, an ice cream shop on the north end of the strip. Plus, we thought we might gamble a little today. We went through about $32 between us yesterday. That’s our motto; Making Laughlin rich, 25 cents at a time.
 
 
Big plans, but first we had to get out of bed. That happened sometime between 10 and 11 AM. I also discovered that in addition to our TV remote not working, we had no “Do Not Disturb” sign. But, I found one down the hall, (I reasoned that anyone still in bed this late in the AM was both younger (eye candy for the maid) and much more able to recover that from a sleep interruption than we were) and thus prevented the maid from getting an unwanted surprise as we got dressed. It worked out as the maid still hadn’t appeared close to our room (or the room I found the sign) by the time we left.
 
Our first show was at 1 PM, across the way at the Excalibur. As we had to pick up the tickets at will call, we thought we should do that first. That went simply enough and we still had plenty of time before the doors even opened, at 12:30 AM. As we were already here, we decided to eat at the Excalibur, rather than look for something else. I had checked into a few lists of best buffets in Vegas. Excalibur’s didn’t make the list on any. But, we weren’t looking for high cuisine, just something to stop the tummy from growling. The food did take care of that, but not much more. The food was below the standard of your average Golden Corral. I even remarked to Margo that they should just franchise the space to Golden Corral. The quality of the food would go up and they would make more money. 
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​No longer hungry and seeing the time was nearly 11:30 we wandered towards the theater.
We knew we were early and would have to wait, but we didn’t care. We were in no hurry. Not a minute after we got there, Ronn Lucas himself appears. He greets us and tells that we be opening up in just a few seconds. Now for those who have never heard of him, Ronn Lucas is an extraordinarily gifted ventriloquist. He had performed before Presidents Reagan, Clinton, and Bush 42. Plus he had a command performance for the Queen of England. He has two main puppets; Buffalo Billy, a very precocious and smart alecky cowboy. Then there is Scorch; a teenage dragon.
 
True to his word the doors opened and there was Ronn Lucas and Scorch. They took a picture of us, and he told us that there was no obligation and he sounded like he meant it. Sincerity was not something I was expecting in Vegas. Into the theater we went. I had gotten great seats when I bought the tickers.
 
We were right in the front, just off to the right of center. As this was an afternoon show, it’s pretty lo tech, and he had to introduce himself, which he did from silhouette in the persona of Scorch. We laughed from beginning to end. He told stories, worked in current events (blaming the fire at the Monte Carlo on Scorch), and kept the smallish afternoon crowd going. 
​It was over way too quick, but lasted about 90 minutes or so. At the end he told us that after the show he would be outside to sign autographs. If you wanted to have you picture sign he would do that, or he would sign anything else. He really seemed to enjoy the idea of meeting his audience. We couldn’t resist and bought the pic and had it signed.
 
Our evening show, Menopause: The Musical was at 7 PM at the Las Vegas Hilton. The Las Vegas Hilton was on the other side of the strip. I had to pick up the tickets there, too. But not this instant. We decided that we would walk across the street to New York New York and see what they had for t-shirts at Coyote Ugly. The street we needed to cross is Tropicana Ave. The city of Las Vegas, not wanting to kill any of the people leaving money in its coffers, had built a walkway above the street. There was another one, crossing the Strip on the east side of NYNY leading to the MGM Grand. They even have escalators and elevators to take you from ground level to sky level and back again. This was undoubtedly done to discourage loitering anywhere except inside a casino. We did loiter long enough to take a few pics of the casinos.
 
Coyote Ugly is right inside the entrance from the skywalk. So finding it was pretty easy. I was surprised at how fast we were able to pick out 5 shirts, and take care of five people on our shopping list. Yeah for us! With no specific destination in mind, Margo mentioning how cool the new monorail was, and that both the MGM Grand (across the street) and the Las Vegas Hilton (where are ticket are) had their own stop, we decided to ride on over to the Hilton.
 
Do you know why there is food court in MGM Grand? No, it’s not to feed the hungry masses that frequent the place. It is to provide a place to grab food and water for those who attempt to reach the monorail. We seemed to walk forever. That place is just huge! But we eventually made it. Buy the tickets were easy, with vending machines right there. We opted for an unlimited day pass for $9 each. We figured we might get some use out of them today.
 
The sign said something about a train every 5 minutes, and I know we didn’t wait much over, if that. The monorail was very pleasant. The overhead announcer would tell joke while explaining the virtues of the monorail. It made the short ride even shorter. We arrived at the Hilton and immediately searched for the box office to pick up our tickets. It didn’t take too long.
​While not really hungry or hot at the moment, we still decided that this might be a good time to go looking for Luv-It Frozen Yogurt. I had read about them in a travel book and I am always on the look out fro good ice cream. But, alas, I was foiled by poor planning.
 
I had only a vague idea of where it was. It was one detail I forgot to take care of before we left. We walked east on Paradise Road for a couple of blocks and found nothing. Well we did discover that this was probably not the garden spot of Las Vegas. It was probably even reasonably safe after dark. But, we wouldn’t be testing the theory.
 
We walked into a 7-11 and asked the clerk if he knew about it. I figured a Yes or No and we would be on our way. Nope, we found the last helpful 7-11 clerk in America. He did not know, but immediately retrieved the yellow pages and looked it up for me. He then grabbed the store phone and called the store. He did stop short of getting the directions, I took care of that, but, Wow! Who does that anymore? The sad part was we were too far south and it was a bit to far to walk.
 
Darn it, our plans were foiled. If only we were in a city with lots of things to do. There might be something nearby to help us kill time until dinner. Maybe that was touch dramatic. We did retrace our footsteps and went back to the Hilton. We had gambled very little and these people looked really nice. We figured we could give them our gambling money as easy as the next house. So we did. We spent the next hour or so feeding video poker machines and the slots. Margo hit one spin of decent size and doubled her money. But before our time was up we had given up about $100. Yes, Yes, I know. How could we possibly lose so much money? We’re just the last of the whales. I was surprised we were not compted.
 
You maybe surprised to find out that the highlight of Las Vegas Hilton, to this point, for me, was the restrooms. The Las Vegas Hilton is home to the Star Trek Experience. That is not far from the monorail entrance, so it was one of the first things we saw. We didn’t go in the attraction. Margo has more use for yeast infections than Star Trek. I’m OK with Star Trek, but I wasn’t starting an intergalactic incident. But the whole area, including the restrooms was in a Trekie theme. I went in and approached a metal, boxy urinal that seemed out of place. But directly at eye level was a computer screen. Immediately, in a futuristic font, I was told that my salt level was normal, my fluid level was low, and that for the next few hours I would posses a higher than usual ability to predict winning combinations.
 
The other restroom was in the main casino area. Above each urinal was a very real looking woman as part of the wallpaper. Each woman was different, but they were all peering down into the urinals, obviously violating basic male pee doctrine of never looking at a foreign Johnson. One woman was snickering. Another had a digital camera was taking a picture. A third was laughing holding her index and thumb about two inches apart. I think there were about half a dozen different poses. I came out and told Margo. She asked why I didn’t take a picture. Women. I told her there were other guys there, and there was no way I was whipping out a camera in the men’s room.
 
Bladders and wallets empty, we decided we would get something to eat. I had seen the buffet here at the Hilton listed pretty high, so we figured why not? It turned out to be a good decision. We had a great waitress and the food was excellent. The only complaint I had was there was no cookies for dessert. I love chocolate chip cookies. We lingered a bit, and then decided to head over to the theater for the show.
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​Like I mentioned earlier, our show this evening was called Menopause: The Musical. Seating was a first come first serve kind of thing, so we showed up way early. But, it paid off, in that we were in the second row of tables, with good visibility. We did have a bit of wait with little to do. But about 15 minutes before the show was to start a lady got up, told us a bit about the play, told us that some of the proceeds from the show went to a charity to benefit women in some manner. She didn’t have my attention, after she went into “begging” mode. Towards the end it became apparent she was selling fans (to combat the hot flashes of menopause, in a symbolic way. I felt my stomach squirm a bit), and I bought two plus a rose for Margo. It was our anniversary after all.
 
The show started on time (always a big plus with me), and we were quickly introduced to the cast. It was a four woman show. All were 45ish and going through “The Change”. There was Soap Sue, an actress on a daytime show, Businesswoman (dressed in a business suit and equipped with a take charge attitude), Earth Mother, (a sixties type aged to perfection), and Iowa Housewife. The whole show was about 25% dialogue and 75% song. The songs were all take offs of top 10 material from the 50s, 60s, & 70s. They were well done, but there were a bunch of ‘em. Songs parodied included “Heat Wave” and “I Heard it Through the Grape Vine”. The actress who played Iowa Housewife stole the show. She was hilarious. The rest were well done. I particularly enjoyed Soap Sue, as she did a solo. She came out into the audience and serenaded a man directly in front of us. He was very happy and willing. A bit too willing. Sue was working to make sure our escapee from the retirement center kept his hands from engulfing her and singing her song. But in the end, she tells him to call her, much to audience’s pleasure.
 
It went quick, so I obviously liked it. But, not as much as Margo. She nearly brought up a lung a couple of times. Afterwards we bought about one of everything from the souvenir stand. We had seen our show and donated money to the Hilton. Our job here was done. It was time to do our part to strengthen other areas of the Las Vegas economy. So it was back to the monorail. The last time Margo was here, her and the girls found a place that sold frozen margaritas right on the strip, by the Flamingo. So off we got at the Flamingo, and began our quest for icy tequila. Finding a place to buy frozen margaritas turned out to be as hard as finding a man to give me a picture of a naked lady. Finding the same one as last time was a bit more difficult. Now I could care less. It was of little consequence which place traded alcohol for money, but it was important for Margo. Half an hour later she ended up giving up the search and we got our drinks. I got a beer, I hate tequila. Five minutes later we found the right one. So we accomplished this task as well.
​With drinks in hand we headed north for no other reason than our hotel was the other way, and we were not ready to concede the night. We thought we might cross the street and maybe see the ships at TI and or the volcano at the Mirage. Crossing Las Vegas Blvd is done at one of the sky bridges, with a car, or at great personal risk. We thought there was a sky bridge this way, but if not, so what? We got as far as the Venetian when the outdoor gondolas called to me. Did I mention it was our anniversary? I paid $30 for the two us, and we stepped into our boat. The first thing they did was to take our picture. Then our gondolier paddled us out into the lagoon. We were serenaded with a couple of songs. Carlito, I believe his name was, had a very good voice. The trip is very short, about 8 minutes. I suppose if people weren’t willing to pay it, they couldn’t charge $90 per hour. But they, and I, did. I wasn’t complaining though. We even bought the picture.
 
Our night was close to done. Fatigue was starting to find us. Margo was the monorail expert and she directed us towards the Harrah’s/Imperial Palace station. We got on the southbound train and headed back to the MGM Grand. The walk back through the MBM Grand actually seemed shorter. I suppose that says something about me, but then as now, it escapes me. By the time we got back to the hotel it was after 10:30 PM. We weren’t completely spent so we gambled for awhile. Margo quit before I did, but neither of won anything. As I was heading back to the inclinator I got a text from Margo, she need a bottle of water, as the vending machine was out. So I had to find a store. That turned out to be a chore. My last chore. I made it back to the room, gave Margo her water, and I went to bed.
 
Tomorrow was our last day. The only thing we had our agenda was to try Luv-It Frozen Yogurt. Our flight was not until 7:30 PM, so we would not be pressed for time. 

Day Three-​Friday, April 18, 2008

​Today was our last day in Vegas and tonight we would be going home. But, we didn’t have to worry about that until late afternoon. Right now all we had to worry about was checking out and getting our car. We hadn’t seen our car since the afternoon of the 16th. Oh, well. I hadn’t missed it. We were up, showered, dressed, and packed early, 10:30AM.
 
That’s early by Las Vegas standards. Check out was 11, so we headed on down. We only packed one suitcase, but it was a duffle style and it was heavvvy. There was no way this sucker was going to make the 50 lb restriction. But, that was a problem for later. Right now I had to carry the damn thing down to the counter and then out to the valet area. Halfway through the casino a 20-something Aussie did his best to severe diplomatic relations with me, when I accidentally brushed him with my luggage. I said “Excuse Me” and he told me to F*ck Off. As he was standing in the dead center of the aisle doing nothing, and I had had to walk around him, I was a bit miffed. But I decided just to keep going. Besides I doubted I could raise my arms after carrying this damn bag, anyway. I was proud of myself for deducing his country of origin from only two words. I cheered myself further with the thought that if he was this pissed already (& not carrying luggage) he either lost a bunch of money. Or maybe his girlfriend was making sure only his right hand was having any fun on this trip.
 
Check out went very smooth. It took all of two minutes, once we got there. Our car was another problem. We checked out on the south side of the Luxor, but we were told that we had valeted on the north side. About now I was wishing I had taken a swing at Steve Irvin’s ugly cousin. At least someone would be carrying me. Twelve hours later (that’s what my arms swear it was!) we got our car and I was finally able to relieve myself of my burden.
 
What to do now? Well we were hungry. I like to pick up a pilsner glass from any Hard Rock Café I stumble across. We didn’t know exactly where we had to stumble to find the one in Vegas, but our rental car map took care of that and we headed north on The Strip. The trip down the strip was quick. We made a right on Paradise Rd and found the café pretty quick. The restaurant opened at 11 AM, and that had barely passed. We sat down and ordered our drinks. I asked for a Killians. Strike One. How about a Dos Equixs? I’ll check. Strike Two. So I settled for something completely different with a Stella from Belgium. Margo thinks like they taste like they all came from the same horse, so she looks at me and shakes her head. We place our food order. I ordered a Pig Sandwich with fries. Then it was off to check out the memorabilia.
 
We saw one of Elvis’ guitars He had smashed it because it wouldn’t stay in tune. I’m sure that cured its stubbornness. There were full size likenesses of the four members of KISS. We saw many other things. It’s always fun to check out all of the stuff. HRCs always have music videos playing. I usually really like them, but the ones today made me feel old. Mainly because I would ask Margo “Who is that?” She would say “I don’t know” But, the beer was cold and the food was fine. So we ate and paid our bill. 
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​As my primary reason for visiting was a pilsner glass we hit the gift shop. Margo bought me a shirt (Thanks Dear!) and finished her shopping by getting a shirt for the gal covering for her back home. We decided now was a great time for dessert and to finally get to Luv-It Frozen Yogurt. The directions we got yesterday worked perfectly. We arrived just before noon and found the place deserted.
 
The sign on the door informed us that we were an hour early. Damn! If only we were in a city with unlimited diversions regardless of the day or time! One glance towards the southwest and the Stratosphere Tower gave us our new home away from home.
 
Margo and I stayed at the Stratosphere twice before and we liked it. It was a little more laid back, we thought the slots were looser, it was generally less busy, it has great thrill rides, and good shopping. We figured we could kill an hour there. Ten minutes later we were in the casino. As our wallets were not bare we decide to gamble a little more. We played slots and video poker for awhile, and then I decided I wanted to try something different.  I had never played roulette, outside of a video game, so I talked myself into trying it.
 
There was a table that had just one player so I bought $60 in chips and started placing bets. As we were in town celebrating our 21st anniversary I played 21 every bet. In a just world, it would have hit, and make a great story. I think I placed bets on about a dozen spins of the wheel and it never did. I didn’t only bet #21. I placed a number of single number bets, side-by-sides, and fours (I have no idea if I have the terminology right). I managed to not lose everything. On my last spin one of my singles hit and got me close to even, so I figured God was telling me that it was time for ice cream. ​Who was I to question God? ​
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Margo had been watching me for the last 10 minutes, having had her own conversation with God, so as she was ready to call it gambling day, we left. It was well past 1 PM when we got back to Luv-It, so they had to be open. They were! I am nothing if not persistent. Margo got a cup of vanilla & I got a two scoop cup of Chocolate. Nothing fancy, but you fall back on old standbys when you try a new shop. I liked my chocolate, but it was not the best I had ever tasted (That would be Good Times, a Colorado based burger chain). Margo’s vanilla, on the other hand was at least as good as I had ever tasted. We’ll likely be back.
 
In the combined 8 trips Margo and I have been to Vegas, neither of us had been to Circus Circus. There was just nothing that attracted us to the place. But, we were on the north end, and decided to give it try. We self parked and found our way in. The casino reminded us of Laughlin. Very subdued and not a lot of people playing. There were quite a few kids around, but that was not surprising.
​They are the one hotel/casino that markets families. We quickly found our way into the Adventuredome. That is a combination midway and carnival. Lots of ride and such. We had not intention of riding anything, and it wasn’t really busy. But, they had an Ole Time Photo Shoppe. It had been awhile since we had that done, and never with a gangster theme. Las Vegas and mobsters seemed like a good match, so we did.  The place was called Buffalo Old Time Photos. They did a good job. They had great costumes and props. The photographer knew just what poses to put us in, to get the right effect. And the photographer took several shots of each pose. We ended up with between two and three dozen to choose from. We ended up with one of us together, and then one of us each separately. I thought they turned out well. The downside was the $100 price tag. A little steep, but like I said if you are looking for bargains on the strip you are probably going to come up empty.
 
With that we determined that we had left enough money in Vegas. It was somewhere around 4 PM. Close enough. We retrieved our car and got back on Las Vegas Blvd. The rest of our trip was uneventful, other than a loud group of 20somethings eating at the same place we did in the airport. And that our flight was delayed for a few minutes.
 
Another fun trip! We packed it as full as we could. Our next trip is scheduled for this October. Margo and I are heading to New England to check out the fall foliage. I suspect the culture between rural Vermont and the Las Vegas Strip is liable to be a bit different.
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